Colossians 3:21
Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
I don’t usually bring other versions of the Bible into a daily devotional, but in this case, I think it will be beneficial. Here are the various words or phrases we find instead of provoke in other translations: aggravate, irritate, do not vex, do not nag, do not make them resentful, do not stir them up unnecessarily, do not rouse them to anger. Fathers…do you think you have been guilty of this? I sure have, especially when I wanted to remind our four kids “who was in charge.”
There are numerous ways in which fathers (and mothers) can accomplish this. We can be overprotective, show favoritism, depreciate their worth, set unrealistic goals, fail to show affection, put forth destructive criticism, implement excessive discipline, or my personal “favorite” …inconsistent parenting. Richard Blackaby likes to ask the question, “Are you speaking words of life into your children, or are you speaking words of death?” Discipline is godly when its goal is to instruct, but it can be extremely damaging when its goal is merely to intimidate. To coerce. To “scare them straight.”
I found this analysis on the Precept Austin website: “A child learns what he lives. If he lives with criticism, he does not learn responsibility. He learns to condemn himself and to find fault with others. He learns to doubt his own judgment, to disparage his own ability, and to distrust the intentions of others. And above all, he learns to live with continual expectation of impending doom.” I can certainly see how this reality has come to fruition in our children’s lives. Yes, every child has some personal responsibility to bear that increases with age, but what about the teacher? If our parenting style lends itself to provocation more than encouragement, our children will become discouraged…even if it’s not obvious on the outside.
In today’s context, athumeo (discouraged) means that the child feels that he can never do anything right…and so they give up trying. When children find that they can do nothing right because of constant faultfinding by their parents, they are apt to become despondent. Yes, as parents we have a duty to discipline, but the higher calling is to encourage. Mary Lamb (1764-1847) was a famous English writer who tragically lost her mind and murdered her mother. She once said, “Why is it that I never seem to be able to do anything to please my mother?” The famous writer of Amazing Grace, John Newton, wrote, “I know that my father loved me—but he did not seem to wish me to see it.” One child rose to amazing heights while the other sank to a shocking low.
If this devotional is weighing heavily on your heart today, as it is mine, please don’t forget that with God…it is never too late. You can always pull up a chair or pick up the phone and own whatever discouraging parenting you have engaged in. Confess your sin to God, then to your child or children, and seek forgiveness. You already have it from God…and most likely, you will receive it as well from your child. As they get older, the role of disciplinarian should shrink while the role of cheerleader should take center stage. God is FOR YOU. Likewise, as fathers, we must make it obvious that we are FOR our children, as well.