Colossians 3:19
Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.
Buy her some flowers and a card. Remember your anniversary. Help around the house. Hold her hand. Tell her you love her…and don’t raise your voice when you get mad…and don’t throw any stinging remarks her way…and be sure to tell her how pretty she looks. Piece of cake, right?
Wrong.
When the modern world sees the word “Love” it tends to react emotionally. And while the emotional side of love can be beautiful and wonderful, it has nothing to do with the original word agape which is the kind of love today’s verse is calling husbands to exhibit. Dr. Tony Evans explains, “This is the self-sacrificing, agape love that Christ displayed when He loved and gave Himself for the church (Eph. 5:25). A husband ought to ask himself regularly, ‘What have I given up for my wife lately? What has it cost me to be her husband? What sacrifices have I made to enhance her well-being?’ Christ loved the church so much He made the ultimate sacrifice for her. That’s the model of a husband’s love.”
Husbands—What have you given up for your wife lately?
A Christian husband should display this kind of willing love daily. This is a love of choice. It is a covenant kind of love. Kenneth Wuest remarks that agape love “…speaks of a love which is awakened by a sense of value in an object which causes one to prize it. It springs from an apprehension of the preciousness of an object. It is a love of esteem and approbation.” My fellow husbands…what have you loved in this way? What do you prize in your life? What demands this kind of attention from you? Perhaps it’s a classic car, or a collection of some sort. Maybe it’s your job or your business or even a hobby. Is there something in your life that commands this kind of love in your heart besides your wife and your Lord? It should not be so.
Finally, a Christian husband is commanded to not be harsh with his wife. It’s an interesting way to end a sentence that starts with love…as if God knows that this can be a problem for most husbands. It sure can be for me. In its original first century context, it must have come across as a rather shocking rebuke. Women in that culture were not much more than property for their husband’s use. To speak harshly to your wife was normal and thought to be necessary…like correcting a work animal. Husbands…do you ever speak to your wife this way? Even if you keep your mouth shut, does the look on your face speak just as loudly?
Husbands, you may feel as if your harshness or bitterness is justified…but as a Christian man, it never is. That is transactional thinking, and it has no place in the expression of agape love. The love God calls us to as husbands is much like His love towards us…even while we were yet sinners Christ died for us (Rom 5:8). What will you give up for your wife today? How will you enhance her well-being? Will you keep your words and attitude towards her in line with the love that the Father has for you? I pray that all of us husbands will do so.
