Psalm 43:1-4 (ESV)
Vindicate me, O God, and defend my cause against an ungodly people, from the deceitful and unjust man deliver me! For you are the God in whom I take refuge; why have you rejected me? Why do I go about mourning because of the oppression of the enemy? Send out your light and your truth; let them lead me; let them bring me to your holy hill and to your dwelling! Then I will go to the altar of God, to God my exceeding joy, and I will praise you with the lyre, O God, my God.
Back and forth. Up and down. Near and far. Faithful and fearful. Victorious and defeated. The psalms accurately portray the natural ups and downs of a life lived on a fallen planet, surrounded by fallen people. In the C.S. Lewis classic, The Screwtape Letters, the senior demon – Screwtape – calls this ebb and flow, “undulation”. In one of his letters to his demon nephew, Wormwood, Screwtape explains that because humans are half spiritual and half physical, they are always bouncing between these two worlds. Thus, the “patient” is always moving between satisfaction and dissatisfaction with the material world—his friends, his job, etc.—and the same is also true of the spiritual realm.
Screwtape notes, as should we, that “…it may surprise you to learn that in His efforts to get permanent possession of a soul, He (God) relies on the troughs even more than on the peaks; some of His special favorites have gone through longer and deeper troughs than anyone else.” As you read the psalms, it should be obvious that “the man after God’s own heart” (Acts 13:22) spent plenty of time in these troughs, but at the same time, God was also doing some of his most profound work in David’s heart…a heart that was oftentimes divided or torn. Have you experienced that division? Have you had days or weeks or months or even years where your heart was divided between hope and despair? Belief and unbelief? Comforting nearness and chilling distance? It’s not something a Christian should aspire to, but it is a reality every Christian should be prepared for.
We can see this undulation in the words of the man in Mark 9:24, “I believe, help my unbelief.” We can see it in Paul’s struggles in Romans 7:19, “For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.” So, let’s finish well by looking at how David practically dealt with his divided heart.
First of all, he cried out to the Lord (v. 1). He cried out against his enemies as well as for rescue and healing, which is a very natural thing to do, but the next two things are NOT natural and only enabled by the Holy Spirit. First, he asks God to lead him, not out of trouble, but to God himself – to God’s Light and Truth (v. 3). Closeness to God is far more profitable than distance from trouble.
Secondly, he speaks to his own spirit (or soul) rather than listening to his doubts and fears (v. 5). Martin Lloyd Jones asks, “Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself? Take those thoughts that come to you the moment you wake up in the morning. You have not originated them, but they are talking to you, they bring back the problems of yesterday, etc. Now this man’s treatment [in this psalm] was this: instead of allowing this self to talk to him, he starts talking to himself. ‘Why art thou cast down, O my soul?’ he asks. His soul had been depressing him, crushing him. So, he stands up and says: ‘Self, listen for moment, I will speak to you.’”
When you are walking through a season with a divided heart, remember to pray to God, like David did, for the light and truth you need in your heart and mind, and to preach to yourself the gospel truth that you need in your soul. Undulation is a natural condition – for now – but the answer is supernatural as you partner with the Holy Spirit in your journey through the peaks and valleys of this life that will ultimately lead you to the Paradise of the next.
